Great British Bake Off. In all senses of the word.

So this is to say I would have made teacakes this week. Mainly because I love their weird concoction of textures, the snap of the chocolate on your tip of teeth, then a deep sink into the mallow before reaching the disappointingly soggy crumb of the biscuit.

Marks and Spencers make the best chocolate teacakes and I have no idea how many hundreds I have eaten in my lifetime, a lunchbox treat throughout my childhood. The main pleasure is in the dissecting. The pillow of marshmallow pulls away perfectly from the biscuit, with the chocolate still a perfect dome. This allows you to quickly consume the bland base, leaving you with a perfect mouthful of chocolatey marshmallow. If you are really feeling ritualistic you can then smooth the square foil wrapper between your fingertips and make an origami boat.

However, this is the black hole where my vile but functional kitchen stood until Monday. Most days I don't have any running water but I do have numerous random men wandering about the place.

And this is the current temporary kitchen at the end of the sitting room. I am not sure I can temper chocolate under these conditions.

A gingerbread construction might be easier, the mini oven is surprisingly good. I felt that the final challenge was crying out for an Eiffel Tower but I am sure it would end up looking as amateurish as theirs. I still bear the scar from an attempt to make a Christmas gingerbread house several years ago. Very hot caramel sears the flesh like molten lava. I think I have enough on my plate.